Should we break up?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2y/4mo. About 1 year in he decides he’s poly. I’m not. But I stay with him because I don’t want to lose him. He doesn’t see anyone for a year. Recently he saw someone for a date that he told me about day of. I felt blindsided. Last weekend, a phone number showed up on his phone/car and I asked who it was: at first he said he didn’t know because he was scared of my reaction, but did tell me later he was chatting with someone. He doesn’t tell these girls about me until “he’s ready”. Usually they lose interest and he doesn’t have to tell them. We have these big fights because I feel I deserve to know who he’s chatting with even if it is not serious or if they are just getting to know each other. I also feel I should be broadcasted so others know about me. 
He feels I pry too much and want to know everything. He also feels we keep fighting about the same thing—which is true because it hasn’t changed. I’m just asking for an update on his “friends” so I don’t feel blindsided because that really hurt. 
We almost broke up last night and I’m feeling like it might be best, but I don’t want to let go. It’s so hard to think of life without him but I do know I’m not being treated like I should be. Am I crazy? What should I do? Any advice plz

Answer

This doesnt sound like an open relationship. In those situations, both parties are in agreement and there are rules and guidelines they both follow. This sounds like he's just openly cheating on you and misleading the other woman he's dating.

Answer

If you’re asking if you should break up with him then you know what you have to do. Being in a poly relationship isn’t a problem, but being with someone who isn’t interested in the same lifestyle as you IS a problem. If you don’t want an open, poly relationship then it’s best you pack your bags and move on. In this situation it just sounds like he’s cheating, he isn’t being honest and open with you like he should be. You deserve more than that. Break-ups are hard but what’s even harder is putting yourself through this for longer than you should. Best of luck to you!

Answer

This doesn't seem mutual, polyam has to be something both people want. It's pretty clear you don't want that and that when you try to set boundaries to make it more comfortable for you, he's dismissive and won't allow it. It's almost as if he knows you don't like that he talks to other people. But at the same time, he did tell you and you did decide to stay. But he's not really being honest enough because he didn't see anyone for awhile (perhaps to avoid hurting you,) 
Yes. Relationships between polyam & mono people usually don't work or aren't that ethical. It's a fundamental incompatibility in most cases. It's very difficult to understand each other in this difference and actually accept that about each other. 
I'm polyam & I wouldn't feel comfortable coercing someone into that type of situation, although I do understand he might be confused because you chose to stay despite his assertion he was going to change his lifestyle. 
I think your request for more openness on who he is talking to seems reasonable. 
I guess him not being comfortable talking about it is understandable, but at the same time I'd personally want to do whichever thing would help my partner deal with the process easier. (We can talk about other partners, but don't really have to either. There's no requirement for a notification, it makes us both more comfortable in this early stage because we are long distance.)

Answer

Te ah this is not an open poly relationship. Cut your losses and break up with him. Find someone who’s values align with yours . He is just cheating he isn’t telling anyone about you. He is hiding you., sorry for being blunt but no use in hiding what he is doing

Answer

Sounds like you know what to do but won't.

Answer

My fiancé is poly and I’m bi. We’ve both agreed that if we ever thought about bringing in another girl I’d be the one looking and deciding cause I’m picky. But since having our son we really haven’t thought about it much anymore. If you aren’t willing to have an open relationship then leave. It doesn’t matter if you don’t wanna lose him cause honestly he might never be satisfied with just having one person and maybe will start to resent you for it.

Should we break up?

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