I feel TORN😭 rant (so emotional)

Just got my NIST test results back today and I’m having a boy I was hoping so badly for a girl I lost my daughters in 2020 and I just knew GOD WAS GOING TO bless me with with a baby girl and I know so many people are trying to even get pregnant meanwhile I’m here bawling my eyes out because I’m having a boy but in a sense I feel like I lost my baby again I feel so torn apart baby is very healthy I just can’t wrap my head around it talking to my therapist Friday but I just feel so depressed and overwhelmed !!