Long post 😭 I wish I could fix everything

I have been divorced for 7 years and me and my ex husband share a 9 year old, who is almost 10. Since we have been divorced his dad has not came to anything of his sons, not school stuff, singing stuff at school, no dr appts and not even hospital visits when my son broke his arm twice (years apart, one was he fell over a branch and caught himself wrong and the other he slid off his four wheeler). Of course his dad blamed me for these and told him there were “reasons” he did see him but is always there for step son in hospitals and dr appts. I understand that we do not get along but I feel like this shouldn’t stop him from being involved. My son has been in sports for years and over all he has been to maybe 4 or 5 games and in the past year he doesn’t make an effort to go to any but always makes sure he goes to his step sons and younger sons games. If my son is at his house, I have to get him and bring him back to make sure he goes to his games. (He goes there every other weekend). Recently it got worse because my son was taking a shower every other day and he needed one the day he went to his dads and he played a lot at school so he was sweaty and his hair did look greasy. Instead of asking me, him and his step mom took my son and shaved his head while my son cried and told him he didn’t want that (it makes twice he did that). My son also takes showers every day now. But when meeting he yelled at me in front my son and said that I was neglectful and that I should have kids (I’m pregnant). The next time he yelled F you and flipped us off and because my bf laughed he tried to get into my car and was screaming hitting my car and reaching into my window to break my bfs phone. I took him to court to move our meeting place to a safe place and put him out him back on child support. He says I’m not a good mom because I don’t give my son a shower and let him do it but he still gives him one and will not listen to my son that he wants to do it alone. He tells him he can’t and doesn’t even give him a chance. He’s 9! Now his dad ignores anything I send him and his wife only messages me for him and is just as rude. I supply everything for him at their house. They do not keep clothes or anything for him there. If I forget something they message me about it like socks. My son has asked for them to go to games and I’ve asked but they ignore me. They make me feel awful that I moved the netting place closer (it’s now 50:50 because I was driving an hr and they were only driving 20 minutes) and I put him back on child support and trying to say that they would say mean things about me in court if I didn’t drop it. Even when my son is sick there, they don’t take care of him or go to the dr. They message me to come get him even if it’s at midnight and of course I do because he is my baby. I really just don’t know what to do. Any advice on how to make it easier? I hate being the bad guy and just want everything to be easy. It’s like the last time he went there, their youngest had practice the same day my son had a game and they stayed that if I want him to go then I have to go get him and bring back. Again, I always do that because I go to every game anyway. My son brought it up to his dads dad that he doesn’t answer the phone for him or talk to him when he’s not there and he just made an accuse that his dad is too busy… my son loves going over there because his brothers are there but he has even said that he knows that his dad and step mom wouldn’t go to any of his stuff and I always send them everything