I became the other woman

Last year I had a terrible breakup with my ex after 2 years. Two months after our break up he started dating his bm and after 2 months of being with her he started talking to me again. It’s been 4 months and we have seen each other every week. There are moments when he tells me he wishes he and I would have met earlier before he had children with her. He says if we would have met earlier his life would have turned out differently. Then other times he just completely ghost me.

I guess the fact that I was the other woman didn’t hit me. When we broke up she did everything possible to enjoy my suffering, posting things everywhere dedicated to me. At first I was happy, feeling like I finally got payback. Now I feel terrible.

Now when we see each other he takes my phone. He’s scared she might find out because she is the mother of his children and because she is fixing his green card. Multiple times he has told me when he finally gets it he will divorce her and he is only in it for the green card. I have come to realization he doesn’t love me nor does he love her otherwise he wouldn’t be cheating on her. He doesn’t love me otherwise he wouldn’t have me being the other woman.