MIL relationship is ruining my marriage8

I am going to try and keep this brief my MIL and myself do not get along. We've had two very bad disagreements in our past that accumulated because she doesn't communicate and I am worried about causing a problem for my husband. My husband is in thr middle and always gets bad anxiety and although he doesn't agree with his mom he thinks I shouldn't ever say anything. I come from a childhood where I was badly abused so me speaking up and having a voice is very important to me.

Today's fight came as we agreed to spend the day at a public area for my 3 year olds birthday. She isn't allow to drive our children or watch them. Due to her aging issues and a long list of other things like previously trying to take away my child.

The birthday didn't go to as planned and she took him into the place by herself. Husband talked with her and told her she could. The activity was 2 hours long. She's never allowed to be alone with him much less a public place. There were no benches at that door so i walked around the corner.

She came out the door and proceeded to walk around this place all alone with our child. Our child never has been there and this is the most populated place 4 states combined so imagine my fear. When I find out she took off with my son I snapped at her.

It was very public I didn't yell or swear but was very direct loud and precise. I told her I do not trust her and she had no right to take over my sons birthday. She was never allowed to do what she did. She told me not to ruin the day and I told her she already did that with trust. She walked off. My husband had tried to explain he didn't communicate properly and he Apologized and she wasn't having it and kept telling him no. My 80 year old father in law was really sweet smiled hugged and said goodbye. Husband won't speak to me and immediately left when we got home.

I've had it with my anxiety with her and not being respected or taking proper care of our kids when she is around them. I do not trust this person. I do not believe she is doing anything on purpose which doesn't help.

Here is a list of issues

-She tried to take my child when I had surgery and had asked church and people for donations (she wasn't even allowed to babysit.)

-when the kids are at her home she will watch them when husband fixes their home she doesn't change their diapers enough so rashes

-she didn't put sunscreen on my kids she argues when I tell her too

-she didn't put bug spray on them when I asked and my toddler had to go to urgent care for steroids due to bug bites

-She gives them food we ask her not to and when we tell her no she throws her hands up and makes a big scene

-only time she watched baby we told her he can only sleep in his bassinet and find out she put him unstraapped in his carseat to sleep

-She cooked kabobs last week I made at my home and she wrapped the cooked ones in the raw meat container

-She took a shower once when I wasn't home and came home to her in my home

-She refused to partake in things like showers or wedding or baby activities yet tells everyone she isn't invited

-she was invited when I gave birth to my first at the hospital while in labor. She asked after two hours how long I was going to be because she didn't want to miss church. She was a duola so not a good one.

-I've tried to talk to her and she's yelled at me and slammed her hands on me.

There's more but I'm cool with her having relationships with my kids just I don't trust her judgment and not alone time. My husband is pissed at me and im worried this will be the end of our marriage.

*Response to post

Nothing ever gets talked about and that is the issue. She won't talk about it later. The party was supposed to be just them and us. She took off with our child while I was tending to the other one. Husband was confused and thought we'll shell bring him back and she didn't she took off to the place wondering around with him. I am tired of being the only one to communicate and I need my husband's support and his mom to stop railroading things.

***Update to post

MIL was already told on multiple occasions before today it was no she wasn't doing it alone. Via phone calls, messenger, text, and in person. She doesn't respect boundaries.

To the person who said I'm the problem my gosh. I don't allow people to kidnap my child. That's what she tried to do. In regards to the bug bites his eyes were swollen because he was allergic to them. He had blisters from not having sunscreen and I've had precancerous skincancer so not ok. Her hitting me isn't ok. Her walking off with my child for hours not ok when she's told she wasn't allowed.