Am I selfish?

Question

I have been with my partner since on and off since a teen. We are now 28 & 29. We got married 3 years ago and had a baby in 2020. Even before marriage and the baby we would argue in the worst way. It’s still continuing now. We do not communicate well and I don’t feel connected anymore. There is no spark. I communicated my feelings and nothing changed. So now that I asked to be divorced.. my partner wants to work things out and as much as I love my partner I just feel like it’s going to be the same cycle. I’ve already spent my teens and my 20’s in this relationship. People change & then revert back to their same ol ways. I’m scared to let more time pass me. I do love my partner a lot and I’m use to staying and working things out..but I think it’s time to let go? What would you do?

Answer

You've been on/off since tour teens.
I would simply say it's too late to try and make it work. I would be so done.

Answer

Have you been to couples counseling?

Answer

I was with my ex from 15 for nearly 10 years and he made me miserable but I'd always go back and forgive him. One day I decided I deserved better and I ended him and even with nearly 2 years of him begging for me back I've said no because I can't live any longer being miserable no matter how much I used to love him I wasted all my younger years on him

Answer

You are not selfish to question. I'm not sure if this time is really the time he will truly work on the relationship. Maybe put stipulations as to what "working things out" really means. If all the other times have not worked, try something different- are you both willing to try therapy (individual and couples)? Are you willing to work on yourself to improve the relationship? Are you willing to help him as he tries to better himself? This man will always be in your life because you share a child and for his sake, co-parenting should exists between the two of you. So maybe think hard about a last chance. I am divorced from my "on/off teenage love" and after many years of working on myself, am now happily married to an amazing partner. While I do not regret my decision to get a divorce, I do know that the pain my children have felt due to it is one I wish to spare others. I co parent well and while my kids have grown in happy households, they did not have to go through so much sadness because the adults in their lives could not sort their issues responsibly. Best of luck to you and your family!

Answer

Those on/off relationships are tough. I don’t believe in getting back together with someone one time let alone multiple times. In some cases, they work out. But there is a reason why you keep breaking up. If your foundation in the relationship is strong (loyalty, trust, respect, communication, etc etc) then you know you chose to right person. But if you’re constantly doubting the relationship….listen to your gut, find your peace, and move on. I try to always chase (1) God (2) peace (3) happiness.

Am I selfish?

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