I’m starting to feel really bitter about relationships. Especially mine.

I assume this is a safe space so I will be honest.

I feel jealous that there are women who actually have a healthy relationship or marriage. I can’t remember the last time that I did. Well… I can. I was 21. I am now 28 years old. It’s been awhile.

I am jealous. I feel bitter. And hurt. And I want to ask God, why me? Why can’t I just be normal? I don’t necessarily date BAD men. I just don’t feel the whole “this is it, this is the right one”. I am constantly doubting that I made the right choice so every time we get into an argument, I affirm that I made the wrong choice.

My boyfriend currently is a single dad with full custody. He cleans and cooks and helps out around the house. We have good sex when I do like him. I do admire that about him but that is where it ends. He is financially irresponsible. I don’t agree with his parenting half of the time (he’s quick to anger and inpatient, he’s also a helicopter parent). We disagree on all major social issues (abortion, gun control, LGBT rights) etc. He still thinks it’s acceptable to say the N word if they do something he doesn’t like (but never to their face). I feel like I am losing my mind dating such an emotionally and mentally immature person. By the way, he is 30 years old.

I am trying to hard to highlight the “good” things about him when I feel this way. I do this with every relationship and wonder if I am the problem. I either fall into these relationships because I think they deserve a chance or I stay single for years being “too picky” which ends up sucking as well. I always think that maybe I really am too picky and unappreciative. Maybe I am the problem?

Can you guys please explain to me what you like and don’t like about love interests? Or your boyfriends or husbands? I know what I probably need to do but I am so sick of relationships not working out. I have no clue how to find mature men. It’s exhausting.