Partner of someone with Anxiety

I'm hoping maybe someone on here can share some encouragement on how to deal with being the partner of someone with anxiety. My husband suffers from what can be quite debilatating anxiety. We have 2 kids aged 8 months and 2 years 8 months. Often what triggers him is the kids being difficult or the baby crying (sometimes she will do this super shrill shriek) and he literally shuts down and cannot function. His go to coping mechanism is compulsive cleaning, which often leads to him buzzing around with this negative energy and complaining about mess. When this happens I have to step in and deal with everything. I'm probably going to sound terrible saying this but my patience is starting to wear thin and I find myself getting really frustrated that the burden of everything seems to fall to me. This is happening fairly often leading to frequent arguments.

It's like he's incapable of doing anything without instruction and he asks me questions constantly on the most basic of things instead of just using his own brain and getting things done. Since we had 2 kids I don't have the bandwidth to deal with this. I want to be his equal partner not his mother. He has been seeing the same counselor on and off for about 7 years and refuses to speak to someone else and I don't know if he truly tells her about these issues or they just have very general discussions.

I know it's not easy living with anxiety but neither is living with the person who has anxiety. Any advice on how to deal with this would be greatly appreciated. How do I help him without being an enabler? Am I just expected to accept this behaviour is down to anxiety and be understanding all the time? I feel exhausted and I'm starting to get resentful.

If you made it to the end of this thanks for reading. 💕