Eating disorder recovery

This time last year I was 45kg, I was desperately underweight and it was starting to get dangerous however it was the first time ever that I could look at my body in the mirror and not feel physically sick, a few months ago I was put on a new medication to tackle my depression and weight issues and I've just hit a "healthy" weight again and I am really struggling, I hate myself, I just want to be skinny again, I miss my anorexic body and I know that's an awful thing to say but I feel like a whale now I've put on weight... has anyone been through anything similar and can shed some light on how on earth im supposed to cope?