I know I’m a shitty person.

So my husband and I have been together for 8 years. And long story short. I cheated on him now 3 years back. Twice. One was sexually and other just emotionally. He found out because he went through my phone. Well this was shortly before getting married. But I we talked (obviously not enough) and we both new we wanted each other. He had also previously cheated just not sexual. Well I’m now pregnant with our 3.rd kid! And all of a sudden it’s coming up again. He’s throwing it in my face and trying to say none of the kids are even his. I have mentioned that if this is something he wants to talk about I think we should go to counseling because I know I just can’t do it. I need the help to put my words out. I’m still mad at myself I know I only did it because I wasn’t getting the attention I craved from him. But like what am I even to do. We are weeks away from having another baby and it’s been now almost 4 years since this happen. He only ever brings it up after drinking (drinking to much) we got into an argument because we havent had sex much. I’m 32 weeks pregnant and have zero sex drive.. in which I cried and told him I’m trying and I don’t know what to do. He thinks I’m going elsewhere or something. He’s mad at me for not having sex with him enough