Is it normal to feel numb

I had to have a surgical termination a few days ago.

If I had not, I would have died. I have a severe heart issue (among other health issues) that make it impossible for me to be pregnant safely right now.

But a part of me just kept hoping that no, it would be okay. I’d be fine.

Until I ended up in the ED multiple times. Every specialist I spoke to told me it would be a kamikaze mission to proceed with the pregnancy so they booked me in on the urgent list.

Then when I went in for the termination I had to have a quick scan pre op. And it turns out the baby had died. It had no heartbeat and looks like it had stopped growing a week before when I was having all the issues in the ED. The surgeon offered for me to try and pass it naturally or continue with the surgery as planned - which he advised was safer - so we went with that.

But I can’t help but feel really … numb. And upset.

The only person that knows about any of this is the “father”. Long term close friend of mine, we had sex literally once with protection and the morning after pill and still somehow this happened. And he’s basically just gone on with life as normal.. I kind of expected he’d be here. He’d support me or care about me. He’s the only one I have to talk to and I don’t even have him.

I don’t know what I’m looking for here. If anyone has any support or suggestions or ideas or I don’t even know… please just.. someone help.