why do i want it to work

ive been in a toxic relationship. we were together for 10 years. he had a rough childhood while i had a good one. we met 10 years ago and immediately started dating theres been lots of good times we have 3 kids together but the past 3 years have been toxic and abusive. just a few weeks ago he spit at me and hit me. a few days ago we had a bad argument. now hes ready to move on he just met someone online and hes ready to leave me a let me be happy. ive been wanting out this relationship but i stayed because i worry too much about him about how hes guna do he has a drug problem, he has a good job really good pay but due to the drug problem there’s money issues. now he wants to break up and move on and for some reason i cant let go i keep begging him to stay and he’s already made his firm decision to move on im embarrassed what are people guna say . im sad im depressed in have 3 toddlers now they will grow up with separated parents. so many mixed emotions. i need some comfort. my mom my only support system passed away last year