Forced sharing?

Question

How would you guys handle this? 
I have twins who just turned 3 two months ago. 
When they are playing with a toy, if one wants the toy, I tell the other one that they have to wait their turn, and tell them all the other toys they have to play with.  
It is almost ALWAYS my daughter who has the toy then my son wants the toy. 
My sister in law and mother in law are very critical with how I handle the sharing, and believe my daughter should have to give up what she’s playing with, or else she won’t learn how to share.  
They will undermine me and demand my daughter give the toy to my son whenever they are over.  
I just don’t think that’s right.  I’ve gotten into fights with them over this, bc I don’t like them coming here and telling me what to do, and also I feel like this will make my daughter think she has to give up whatever she is playing with to make my son happy,  won’t that make her a pushover?

Answer

I would tell them to stop undermining me in front of my kids and if they can't do that, they're not welcome.
If she is playing with something and then he suddenly wants it, then of course he has to wait.
It would be the same if he had something and she wanted to play with it obviously.

Answer

I'd be upset, and yes I think it would make your daughter feel she always has to give up her toys first so her brother can play, simply making her feel less than in the long run! You're the parent, they don't get to overrule your rules and how you parent, discipline etc, period! They need to be told off tbh. They're overstepping!

Answer

What your sister and mother's in-law sounds like a brilliant way to make a kid demanding and entitled.
I would definitely make my kids wait for their turn, or find something else to play with.

Answer

Tell your family in front of your kids that that’s not how you do things and they need to respect your rules with your children. 
You can suggest a child to share with the sibling but also tell them they don’t have to if they don’t want to. (Ex. If a child is playing with a baby doll, you can suggest playing house together). I wouldn’t force it. There are certain times when you encourage sharing (like sharing a set of crayons).

Answer

Your kids, your rules. Family members who can’t respect that need to be firmly put in their place. If that doesn’t work, then spending time with your children is a privilege they don’t get. There’s nothing wrong with standing firm and setting boundaries.

Answer

I would stop having them around until they learn that YOU are the mother and they have no right to open their mouths about your parenting.

Answer

My twins are like this and they’re only 8 months lmao. I agree with you though. I don’t think they should give up a toy cause the other one wants it. They can take turns.

Answer

Let me just first say I agree, anyone we socialize with needs to refrain from interfering with my parenting, especially undermining. You have a problem? Talk to me away from the kids. If I don’t agree, we don’t have a problem. Or your access to my kids will be limited accordingly.
I also agree that your daughter shouldn’t have to give up what she’s playing with just because your son suddenly wants it. Mine are 19 months apart and we go through this all the time. Here’s what we do:
Kid A plays with toy.
Kid B wants toy.
Fighting ensues.
Mommy: “you want that? Ok. Kid A is playing with that right now. Let’s set a timer so we know when your turn starts. Kid A, you have X mins (2-5 depending on how long they’ve been playing with it/what kind of toy) to play with it and then you need to give Kid B a turn. If you want another turn, we’ll set another timer.”
Mom sets timer, makes sure both kids hHEAR the timer before shutting it off
Mommy: “oh listen! There’s the timer. Do you hear it, Kid A? Do you hear it Kid B? That means it’s Kid B’s turn to play with Toy Name.”
If Kid A is fighting about it or still hasn’t given up the toy, Kid B is expected (and reminded, if need be) to wait until the toy is HANDED to him/her, not snatch it, and Kid A cannot just drop it on the floor or throw it or anything.
“Kid A, it’s time to give Kid B Toy Name.”
Manage any conflict.
“Great job! Thanks for sharing! Would you like to have a timer so you can have another turn? Ok” Set timer for 2-5 mins.
Sometimes this can still be a struggle, sometimes Kid A will give up his/her toy willingly before the timer goes off. Sometimes we do 5 sequences of timers for one toy before one gets over it and moves on to something else. This way they are both learning that they can’t just have whatever they want whenever they want it, but we’re also learning to share and sacrifice our happiness for someone else sometimes and that all the toys in the house are jointly possessed by all the kids.
The exceptions are anything we have multiples of (a stick horse, crayons, etc), you can use a different one or wait til they’re done, or brand new gift toys. Those aren’t required to be shared for the first few days, maybe a week.

Answer

I do it the same way. “You have to wait your turn, until then play with anything else.”
It’s to the point my 7 year old and almost 4 year old say, “let’s take turns,” or, “you get 5 minutes. I get 5 minutes,” without even having to get mom or dad involved. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Answer

You’re the parent and they need to respect that. If they can’t then they can stay home. What they suggest sounds like a great way to end up with a very spoiled son.
I do what you do with sharing and it works fine. My first is 6 soon and is great at sharing/taking turns and waiting patiently. My second is 3 and he’s of course still learning but he’s pretty good at it for his age.

Forced sharing?

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