Struggling with miscarriage and rainbow baby’s first birthday

To make it short I got pregnant with my My bf of 4 years I had a miscarriage at 3 1/2 months the baby would Never survived outside the womb with lots of deformities it was very traumatizing during me miscarriage my and my bf broke up and never spoke again until 2 years later by then I had my son born on my first babies due date October 4th which made me think my angel baby sent him just for me💙now he’ll be one in a couple of months I’m so happy and greatful yet so sad to think of I guess Bcz of him being born on the due date. Also be and the bf I was with for 4 years try’d being together again but he just ended up screwing me over I guess having him back in my life made me remember everything he just abandoned me while I was losing his baby and then came back and promised me things I’m so tired and now my sons father isn’t in his life anymore he sees him like once every 2 Months now he doesn’t come at all I have no friends except one but she works so much we hardly hangout rn I’m focusing on me and my son but I can’t help but feeling so lonely and scared I’m 22 which is young but Ik a lot of people that have more kids and are making it , I chose the wrong 2 men and it’s just hitting me

So hard I feel so alone