I am so overwhelmed and can’t handle this.

It’s been two weeks since I found out I was pregnant. First appt with my OB isn’t for three weeks.

I quit so many things cold turkey. I was on Vyvanse for my ADHD. Other than my first pregnancy this is the first time since like age 13 that I haven’t had my medication for ADHD. I’m losing my mind. I was on Wellbutrin for depression. I vaped my vape (nicotine all day every day), I knew I needed to stop before so I know this is a good thing. I vaped delta 8 which helped my anxiety. I was able to stop taking my anxiety medication when I started that. I drank a glass of wine every other night. I went from all of these vices and medications that made my life enjoyable and I quit them all two weeks ago, cold turkey, as soon as I found out I was pregnant. I also used to drink 2 redbulls a day (horrible I know) and I quit that as well. I am really struggling mentally today. I don’t want to hurt myself so please don’t think that, but like, I would be okay if someone put me in a coma for 9 months. And the worst part is I have a history of miscarriages so 99% of me believes there is no way that this will even be a viable pregnancy and I feel like I’m doing all this for no reason. I also lost a massive amount of weight several years ago, but not having any of my stuff makes me only find joy in eating. I’ve gained 6 lbs in two weeks after maintaining a massive weight loss for 3 years.

Is anybody else struggling like me? Im so upset. I can’t even find the joy in this because I feel like there’s no way my body will do right by an embryo and actually allow me to carry a baby to term.

And let me add I was ecstatic when I found out, but I have this impending sense of doom that this won’t work out, and it’s eating me alive. I fully understand what a blessing this is but how can you enjoy a blessing when you know your body loves to just rip it away from you the second you start to feel the joy from it. I have a history of late miscarriages. Like 11-12 weeks.