My best friend had an affair 😞

Sorry for the long post I just have to get this off my chest 😭

So a little back story- my best friend and I have been very close since high school (about 12 years now). We grew up together, were each other’s Maid of honor, got married around the same time and had our kids 2 months apart. Over the years we’ve gotten even closer as our kids and husbands have become best friends as well! Unfortunately ever since her daughter was born about 3.5 years ago everything has changed in regards to how she treats and feels about her husband. She basically just only cared about her daughter and gradually pushed herself further away from loving him and does nothing to try and fix it.

She hasn’t had sex with him in over 9 months and said she can’t because feels like a victim of sexual trauma - solely because he still asks her to sleep with him (doesn’t push it or do anything without her consent of course, but obviously he wants to sleep with his wife so he shoot’s his shot when he can!

Her and her husband have pretty much always lived with her mom to save money because she was single and my friend is an only child, but they decided a few months ago after he went to counseling (on his own, she refuses to go) that maybe if they finally got their own place it could be a step in the right direction to fixing things. In order for them to afford this new apartment she had to pick up a part time job at a restaurant, and has been hanging out with her coworkers a lot. Her husband has confided in my husband and I about how worried he’s been that she continues to stay out with these “new work friends” when she could be home with her family, but as someone who stayed home with my son myself for 2 years and breastfed for a long time I understand that newfound freedom that she’s enjoying, and unfortunately because we tend to talk about heavy subjects when we get together she doesn’t ask me to hang out one on one much anymore because she doesn’t want to talk about the issues.

Last night we had dinner together and swore we wouldn’t talk about any of that, but when I was asking about her new work friends her body language said it all, I knew something was up and eventually got her to confess that she did have an affair with one of her coworkers, and hasn’t actually been hanging out with friends but has been dating this guy and hooking up with him on the side. She knows that this will end her marriage when she tells her husband but doesn’t plan to tell him until she can figure out how she will survive on her own (she makes minimum wage and has almost no job skills, and we live in Southern California) Which will likely take several months.

I’m so appalled by her actions through all of this that I just don’t know how to react, I’ve felt so distraught all day because I can’t tell anyone, especially my husband (who I tell EVERYTHING to!!) because he is best friends with her husband and she would hate me forever if she found out I told anyone. This is such a huge burden I will have to carry for who knows how long and will likely continue to see her and her family weekly to play things off as normal.

This is obviously her life and her marriage/family but I can’t help but be so upset with her for throwing her family and tearing my nieces parents apart without even trying at all to fix things. I know she is going to need me more than ever through this process and it isn’t really my business but I can’t help but hate her for this, am I in the wrong?

If you made it to the end thank you SO much for taking the time 🥲❤️