Trying to cope..😞

I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive my husband but trying to navigate parenting/living together for now anyway. I’m a SAHM he works. We co exist just fine but a lot of my feelings for him are gone. I sleep in the baby’s room.. the day our daughter was born ( true miracle from five years of infertility and ivf treatments), ON FATHERS DAY at that, my husband left the hospital for a picnic with his family and never came back. He got drunk with his siblings while they all bad mouthed me for not telling them the exact hour she was born. We like to stay low key and agreed at the time to have little bit of privacy the first few hours so I could try to rest. ANYWAY, he was suppose to come back and bring me dinner(I missed the ordering time waiting for him), a list of items I needed like shampoo and such cuz I didn’t know I was in real labor. I spent that night balling my eyes out as he text me awful words cuz he was drunk about how selfish I am for not sharing with ppl the exact moment she was born. I thought it was insane. NONE of his family contacted me saying congrats or asking how I was. Completely opposite of what I was expecting when they found out. I had special drs coming in about my daughters health and wondering if she’d even be able to come home. I didn’t think I’d have a ride home or the car seat. Luckily my dad was going to give us a ride home and buy a car seat. My husband ended up showing up after hours of me crying to nurses. I had to wait several hours after they even released me for him to show. I cried the whole ride home. I told him I wanted to be separated and he needed to be sober if the marriage was going to work. He promised he’d go to rehab, yada yada..well that never happened. He still drinks heavily when he does, and I stay away from him. I make sure my kids aren’t anywhere near him. My daughters four months old now, and I don’t have the postpartum blues but anytime I smell alcohol on him I revert back to that lonely feeling in the hospital. I hardly speak to his family for being so disrespectful and hurtful. I’ve learned to let my anger go but can’t seem to shake what happened. He’s done lots of hurtful things to me because of drinking, I could go on n on, probably write a book but for now going one day at a time. He’s been trying to be more sober and helps little but more around the house but it will never fix the damage is done. End rant