Dirty family… advice?

Question

My cousin and her family are very physically unhygienic. She absolutely loves her kids, is so gentle with them, but she does not bathe them regularly. She doesn’t bathe herself regularly either, and their house is really really messy. The kids get a bath maybe once or twice a month. There is always dirt and food under their fingernails. Her one year old already has cavities. Whenever I am around her, they all smell really badly. Her husband looks greasy/oily and smells like horrible BO. They LOVE their children. I do not think they are maliciously neglecting their hygiene. I do not what it stems from, but as her 5 year old has gotten older, it’s gotten worse with him because he doesn’t like water, so he doesn’t even bathe at all, she just “wipes him” with a baby wipe. She did not enroll him in kindergarten because she told me she is afraid social services will intervene. I’m like, honey if you know this is a problem, then fix it, just give them a bath! But for some reason, she just won’t. 
I need advice how to approach this! With holidays coming up, they will be visiting, and it really makes me nauseous to smell them, and I feel bad that I don’t want the kids on the furniture and touching things because they are so dirty. What can I do?

Answer

No matter why she is doing this, it’s still neglect. Even if it’s not malicious. Intent really doesn’t matter here imo. I’d cal l social services and they will be able to help her. Having worked with kids with pretty severe disabilities, I’ve known quite a few who could not bathe on a regular basis. Social services helped them enroll into services that helped them tolerate bathing, and teach the parents to help them with that. This may be a disability issue, this may be something else. But either way, those kids are being neglected.

Answer

If she thinks CPS will get involved, then she knows what she's doing is wrong. At this point she is not only neglecting her children's hygiene, but their education as well. I'm not sure what to recommend, but she knows what she's doing isn't right and maybe CPS needs to get involved. Those children deserve to be clean and cared for. It's not loving to let them be filthy all the time or to live in filth.

Answer

I would call social services because she knows what she's doing, knows that it's neglect and she's still continuing to do so that shows she doesnt care about her children

Answer

Poor babies! They need an advocate. Imagine not showering yourself, and then put yourself in their shoes. She may be a loving mom! But she needs someone to step in and make her do what’s right for her children. A baby wipe can’t remove everything and babies can get rashes. This makes me so sad. Please strongly consider getting CPS involved. It might be the wake up they need.

Answer

I would tell them they need to be freshly showered and are welcome to shower in your home if need be and you’ll provide all toiletries. And that you love them very much and love how much she loved her kids but hygiene is an important standard in your home. Or you can suggest a nearby hotel for them to stay in but that may not go down as well

Answer

This is neglect 100%. If she didn't even enroll her child in school because she knows her child is unhygienic and thinks someone would call CPS you need to advocate for these children and call cps. A parent can say they love their child and be as gentle with them as possible but if they are neglecting hygiene so much to where they won't enroll them in school because they're afraid CPS would step in it's time for CPS to step in. I feel like this has got to be some kind of mental illness on both parents and even if the children are loved if they are so filthy that they smell bad and have a mouthful of cavities they're not being loved enough. CPS would most likely be brought in knowing that there's a child that should be in school who's not being enrolled anywhere or homeschooled. 
You can do it anonymously but if you have any love for these children yourself you've got to be a voice for them and call cps. I would do it immediately.

Answer

I just wouldn’t have them over anymore and would stop talking to them. You don’t have to be around people you don’t like just because they’re family.

Answer

Bathes them once or twice a month? Wipes them with baby wipes? Doesn’t have them in school so CPS doesn’t get involved? She doesn’t sound like she loves her kids to me. Honestly, that’s like 3 examples of child neglect. CPS 100% needs to be involved and honestly I would’ve been called them. There’s too many excuses being made for their negligence in this post…when you yourself are repulsed as well. Give me the info I’ll call myself hell, those kids deserve better.

Answer

I wouldn't invite them over, and I would 100 percent make a CPS report. It's neglect.

Answer

I would be advocating for those children in a heartbeat. Heck, why arent you telling her already? Thats so beyong disgusting poor children. That is abuse.

Dirty family… advice?

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