Yesterday was a bad day.

After a tortuous 2 week wait, after doing <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a>. I got my blood test done. It was negative. I got crushed, it was so painful, all the daily injections, medications, financial loss and time loss, it was all for nothing.

Just one word "negative" made my heartache so much that i broke down crying.

After catching my breath trying to forget, mayb 5 or 6 hours later i get the news that my husbands cousin is pregnant. She didn't know that and it just happened. They were not actively trying, even though it was no fault of hers, i felt like i got a 'slap in the face' by GOD.

Made me hate god and my fate for a few minutes.

I was angry with everything.

I suffered so much these past few months, lost my mother to cancer few months ago, struggling with infertility 7+years, i felt like my heart is full of bitterness towards everything and everyone.

I never purposely hurt anyone or done anything wrong, then why am i suffering?

Why it seems others getting easily all the things i am struggling with, and torturing myself for.

I hate my life now, i hate god for all i have gone through even though its wrong.

I just feel stuck for a long time, can't move forward even one step.