My fiancé and I have been together for 6.5 years and we’ve been engaged for 5 months. Yesterday night we had a fight that isn’t sitting right with me. Yesterday my fiancé was roasting me in front of family about what time I go to sleep and how I’m already old. It don’t bother me because I knew he was joking around.

Well ironically, last night my fiancé started to drift off to sleep around the same time I normally do. (I knew this because he was playing a game on his phone and every so often he’d play then freeze for a moment then resume playing). When he was drifting off again I jokingly showed him my phone’s screensaver displaying the time and said “see same time I go to sleep, now you can call yourself old too”.

My fiancé then said, “Yeah cause I work a fucking hard labor job every fucking day breaking my back while your ass is sitting on a computer fucking typing”. I was shocked he responded that way and said I was kidding and he said he wasn’t. I asked how is it fair that he can dog on me in front of family about my bedtime but I can’t make the same joke back at him? He said it’s fair cause it’s the truth his job is harder than mine. And I told him my job isn’t just typing and that I never said his job wasn’t hard. Instead he said “Just shut up and smoke your god damn fucking weed that I drove all the way to get and paid for with my fucking money and leave me the fuck alone so I can relax” and continued to play on his phone.

For starters, I was just paid and used more than half of my check (which is more than his) paying OUR bills. Secondly, he drove no more than 35 minutes (including there and back) to get it using MY car. But I didn’t say anything, I turned over and went to bed. Now see I’m not most upset about the way he talked to me, it’s the fact that the day after he felt like he did nothing wrong besides using curse words…and this is what’s not sitting with me. Throughout our relationship there’s times I wish he would see how unfair or brutally honest he can be. Like yes your job is physically harder but my job is very mentally straining and occasionally verbally abusive. But just because his job is harder doesn’t mean he needs to feel the right to throw it in my face and he said the next day “if you were to tell that joke to your family about me going to bed early I’d tell them that your job isn’t hard compared to mine”? How much better does it feel for him to embarrass me and not see what’s wrong with that. I’m just confused and I’ve tried talking to him but he just can’t seem to see how he’s in the wrong.