TW Child molestation and abuse

Some small details are removed just because I don't want it to be too easily traced back to me.

two months ago I got a message that would change my life. A family member messaged to say that they were going to cutting my husband off since they were in therapy and had to process the fact that my husband had molested his very young (think barely out of toddlerhood) siblings when he was a preteen/teen.

I was shocked and never would have imagined every getting a message. I demanded that he explain himself. He said that it was a one time event and he was disgusted in himself and never did it again. I was already fairly sure I would be leaving, but I didn't want to be hasty. I asked him if he was ever molested and he said no. And he actually kept sidestepping the language of what he did.

The whole family had thought he had disclosed this and id still married him.. I wasn't going to bring things up to his victims because I didn't know how they had handled their healing and I didn't want to traumatise them. One of them reached out to me first. She said she would answer any questions I had and wanted to check in on me since she was sure this must be shocking after our 15 year relationship. I simply asked if I could check if his story was accurate. Apparently not. It was not one time. It was multiple times over a few different visits.

This all knocked off my rose colored glasses and I realized that he'd actually been abusing me this whole time. Psychologically, emotionally... but his favorite was reactive abuse (thats when they purposely offend you until you're riled up and then tell you that you're being unreasonable that they're calm why can't you be calm) and im even wondering if he might be a narcissist. His mom was a narcissist so it makes sense that he learned those behaviors as well.

Ive given everything. I overworked myself to support him through school to the point that I dropped out so I could put food on the table. Never had kids because of traumatic reproduction issues and he had started guilting me into trying for kids again. And now that I know this history I can't help but wonder why he was so adamant.

I left. I have nothing. I gave everything. I have to start over from the beginning. Im with family. I was abused growing up but im with the family that didn't abuse me.

Im a little scared, a lot mad, a bit sad, and reeling at all of this. I dont know how to figure out what to do. I spent so much of my life living for everyone else.... I feel bad for being to happy to live for myself

(Im looking into therapy but it seems they all have full case loads and a waitlist)