I am shallow? Should I change my perspective? HELP

Question

I've been thinking about this for a while and would love your input ladies... I love reading your advice; don't be too brutal if you can, please. 😊
So my husband wants to get into an early retirement. He is going to be 45 in 2 years and he does not want to work anymore. He has significant savings that can provide for us, but certainly not at the level and lifestyle we have now. 
But the most important thing with this is that a) I don't want to be married to a pensioner; this is linked to my dad who retired from the army in his 40s and my parents' marriage deteriorated. He started cheating, gambling, overall things did not go well. And at school I hated to say that my dad is retired when asked his profession. 
b) my husband has a pretty powerful job. Yes, I will admit this is one of the things that attracted me to him. His success, the respect that people have for him, the doors that his job opens and the lifestyle it can provide. It is what I wanted in a husband. 
Of course he has many other qualities! He is smart, has a kind heart, loves helping people, is very open to things I want to try in bed and does not judge, many things that make him attractive to me and I love him. 
But I am soooooooooooo bumbed out by his burning desire to retire. I hate it. I absolutely hate this (retirement plan). I have not been saying anything when he says this plan of his to me, but friends and colleagues and everyone has been telling him, "you have small children, a young wife, maybe give it a few more years", but he wants this sooo much. 
He has told me this is very important to him and he will not change his mind. But I want him to change his mind. 
Is it very shallow of me the way I feel?I am so sad when I think how our life will change. 😣

Answer

yikes. imagine wanting money more than your husbands happiness 😬

Answer

I mean, he has to retire sometime right. And sure he has a pretty powerful job now but is he happy in it? Does he get enough time off, could it just be burnout?
Your husband is not your dad. Your marriage doesn't have to be like your parents marriage. And you can adapt to a new lifestyle. Living a little more humbly never killed anyone.

Answer

So you’re living off your husband, not working, doing whatever you want with the money he earns but he’s not allowed to take advantage of the fact he’s been busting his ass and retire early to enjoy life? 
A puddle is deeper than you are.

Answer

It’s going to affect your lifestyles so I get it. The other thing to consider, would he be able to pay for your child/children’s education with the retirement funds? 
Also, many people in high paying jobs of respect retire and then go into more servitude type work like running a foundation or non profit or they become guest speakers for events where they influence the next generation. Ask him if he wants to do something like that. Many who retire, early or late, get bored and have a desire to do something more. I’m guessing your dad went through this and his ‘something more’ was negative. Find a positive outlet or ‘something more’ that can be positive for your husband and can even be something you partner with him on.

Answer

Do you work? If not, he can stay home and you go to work.

Answer

I don’t think it’s really fair for him to be the only one deciding to launch your family into the next phase of life. It’s not fair for him to be the only one deciding to change the whole family’s lifestyle. You’re going to get a bunch of thoughtless comments complaining about you liking money, but don’t take those personally. You both entered into a shared life together with the idea of a certain standard of living. It’s not fair for him to now decide to change that standard of living for everyone without consulting you at all. A lot of unexpected expenses can come up as kids get older. I think you need to fully express your feelings to him about the matter. Him retiring doesn’t only effect him. He will be changing the whole family’s way of life and he has to consider that and you should get an equal say in that decision. I’d try asking him if maybe you could all go on more vacations for him to get a break more often and him wait at least until all your kids are almost out of the house to retire. Maybe a month long family vacation could relax him and make him feel refreshed? I wouldn’t be ok or agree to this if my husband decided this at that age.

Answer

Yes, it is shallow and incredibly self centered. You said it yourself, what you wanted in a husband is the lifestyle and the success and opportunities his job provides (😳)
 From what you're saying, it's quite clear that your husband has worked hard and feels like he's had enough.. It's quite telling that you are more concerned about the lifestyle than his mental health / happiness.

Answer

Personally I’d LOVE to have my hubby home with me and our kids more often. He’s always working long hours to provide for us, and I appreciate that of course, but we all miss him when he’s gone. If he was set up financially where he could retire, I’d be jumping for joy! I’m not sure the type of man you’ve got, but I know for a fact that my husband would “retire” only to have that financial freedom (if the retirement is set up that way) and then he would still make money other ways, just would use his skills and do things he enjoys to make money rather than focusing on a job and career. He’s always said that once he does retire he wants to run a cattle ranch and have his own mechanic shop. So obviously he would still be making money and busy, but it would be a much more leisurely pace where he could come and go as he pleases and work doing things he truly enjoys, and he would be working from home too. So I imagine that at 45 your hubby will not be sitting around on his butt all day, ya know? He will be spending more time with you and the kids, he will probably do something extracurricular that he enjoys to make some extra money too! I don’t think you should be worried about it. A happy healthy thriving husband is far better than tons of money anyways 😉

Answer

Let him retire and you go get a job to keep up this lifestyle you need.

Answer

You’re used to a certain lifestyle and that’s definitely going to be a big change on everyone. Why not sit down with him and talk about it. We aren’t in your life to how big this change will be. Obviously it’s finances and I’m assuming there are things that you like doing that makes your life easier. I get that. There is nothing shallow about that. But there has to be some form of comprise. He shouldn’t have to work work for the rest of his life just to accommodate a lifestyle. It will make him resent you, the kids and have him unhappy. Just like this decision is going to make you unhappy. You both need to meet in the middle. Communication is key. I think you should told to your husband and let him know how you feel and come up with positive solutions for a win win.

I am shallow? Should I change my perspective? HELP

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