A small vent 🫣

So the holidays are here and I am over 1000 miles away from home,  I realize I haven't had the urge to make an effort to go see family in or friends anymore.  I want to say I may have been depressed or I am just not feeling it or them anymore.  I recently got my degree mailed so now I have my degree in my certificates,  since then, I have only got a little support from family and even friends.  I have been living here alone with no family or friends for almost a year now, no one has came to see me  but I have been to California on several occasions.

 Fast forward I find myself feeling bad, I feel bad, because I am here alone which my ex is the reason why I am here. I feel like he has gotten away with so much, I feel like I have not got the chance to yet be bitter, angry !  I don't even date yes, I do have dating apps, such as bumble,  and tinder, but I do not converse eight with too many people, although we do match, I just can't find it in myself to move forward within the dating world, a lot of people are still hooked on hook up culture!!  I feel like I am scarred for life, I don't want to be in a relationship with anyone , I've found comfort of actually being alone and that is scary for me. 

I realize I need to focus on the things that I enjoy most, which is now starting a business for anyone here who has a business literally started from the bottom, and now they have a actual establishment I would greatly appreciate some advice and tips  on how to get business loans and or grants. Thank you merry Christmas ladies.