I'm going anon bc I feel really dumb for putting up with this & being oblivious & scared of being judged. This is more of a rant fair warning & just some friendly support.

What started this realization is for the last year she's been kinda friends with the abusive ex. (Yes I made a post on it & you guys helped me wake tf up) Her husband is friends with him so she says he's her friend through him kind of thing, but what would bother me is on a few occasions he would be brought up in a group convo about the abuse & she would agree with me he's a narc in front of everyone but then say something like "... But hes still a good person, just not together.." while also talking about how she feels bad for his new girlfriend. They know my ex tried to strangle me. My ex has mooched off them & then gone ghost & they've even complained to me about it. My ex also used to talk mad shit about the husband (I never told them that though) but they still talk great about him & around me sometimes. Plus my "best friend" felt the need to update me about his new girlfriend & the new song he came out with about me.

I've never told her this, but I can't stand her husband. She came to me about how on their honeymoon he "blacked out" & grabbed her & tried punching her in the face. She had bruises everywhere... I told her to leave & it'd only get worse. Her response "I love him it's not like him. My ex was so much worse & I know --- isn't like that" she thinks because he treats her better than her psychopath ex means he treats her right but I've asked to leave bc I almost had a panic attack from flashbacks bc of how he treated her in front of me. She said "no don't leave I'm scared." She's also an alcoholic so when this happened if I tried to talk sense into her she was already super drunk so it would've caused issues she wouldn't have remembered the next day so I awkwardly sat there in silence calming myself down.

I'm for sure cutting her off though because I've realized she's racist & homophobic. which her racism is ironic bc her hubs is Hispanic & I'm Asian.. I overheard her on the phone with a coworker who is also racist & he asked her where another colleague was (who's black) & my "friend" responds "I don't know probably in a field picking cotton." Yesterday she told me she couldn't stand key west because there was too much pride that she was uncomfortable & then started ranting about transgenders saying "it was so annoying to see woman that were actually men. Like don't you get if you're born with a penis you're a man.. etc etc" & getting really passionate about it. I'm straight as can be & don't even have any close friends in LGBTQ but that pissed me off because I don't give a flying fq what you do when it comes to sexuality (other than the obvious) & gender identity.

I genuinely feel bad for her & know she's in a toxic loop but I've tried to help her out & have her get help but she refuses. She knows she has an issue, she says it's work & she'll do it when season slow but it's just an excuse to hold it back. She recently told me her cousin who is like a sister is cutting her off because of her husband & issues. Which I kinda am too & feel bad about the timing but gotta prioritize me. I can't completely cut her off & only distancing myself a little because she's my manager at work... & even though we're good at keeping our friendship out of work I don't want to make things awkward. I'm hoping to transfer work out of state or start up a business on the side to get rolling & just leave this town all together after my lease is up but until then wish my the best of luck & any advice is appreciated.