I was raped on new years by a guy I had gone on a few dates with. The only memory I have was before I started drinking. I don’t remember leaving the bar. I don’t remember the ball dropping. I don’t even remember getting home. All I remember was vaguely coming out of it for a second to see that he was having sex with me and he was taking off the condom. All I could say was “no” then I blacked out again. Before we went out I set some boundaries. I said I was not okay with having sex and we should avoid it tonight but if we made out that’s fine. I just feel numb and confused. I feel like it’s definitely my fault. Here are some messages between us today.