Abortion at 20 weeks

I’ve decided to move forward with getting an abortion due to my mental health declining.

I was very excited and happy to have this baby but my narcissistic ex has made my pregnancy agonizing and hell. I feel so dissociated from life. It’s like people talk to me everyday and I can’t hear them because I’m constantly thinking of the abuse I’ve endured. To think I would have to spend the rest of my life with someone like that makes me not want to have this baby. I feel so bad for everyone that has invested into this baby but I’m a mother already. To think he has push me to a point where I question wether I want to continue going through this or just not be alive is alarming to me. I’m strong enough to never do such a thing but for a person to make me feel that way is not what I want in life. His mask fell off and his colors showed. Having to constantly be insulted, told I deserve to be burned alive, racial slurs, told everyday he won’t stop until I’ll want to kill my self, sending me messages of him being intimate with other women during my most vulnerable time has been agonizing, painful and has broken my spirit. I know I don’t deserve this, I never did. In fact I tried to love such a broken soul that I almost forgot to love my self. But this is why I chose to make such a painful, hard decision. At this point I feel like I’m damned if I do, damned if I don’t. I’m just picking what type of hurt I want to deal with.