How do I stand up for my step son without overstepping as a step parent?

Question

My husband recently got split custody my step son. He's in the 8th grade will be in the 9th grade in August. We get him Monday, Tuesday. His mom gets him Wednesday Thursday, Friday and we switch off weekends.  His grandfather lives with him and his mom and he started asking me if I would pick him from school and if I he could stay over until his mom got home from work. I said that was fine but the first day his mom got mad at me and said her dad can get him and that we don't get him on the days that are not ours. So I had to follow the custody agreement. She has made it clear she wants me to have nothing to do with parenting. He always gets upset when he has to go back to his mom's, but I noticed when her dad was out of town and he was going back he was fine. He asked me if he could talk to me and said he doesn't like being alone with his grandfather. When I asked why he put his face in a pillow. I asked was his grandfather mean to him and he shrugged. I asked did his grandfather hurt him and he nodded and I asked how does he hurt you and he wouldn't say. I spoke to my husband about this and he spoke to his son's mom and she said that he's probably just upset because her dad is old school. But I feel it's more than that. But I don't know advocate for him without overstepping.

Answer

I'm sorry but I just need to say that I have 2 children from my previous relationship, we don't have split custody because he works ridiculous hours and it's just not convenient so he has them most weekends and any extra that he can squeeze in. But I fully expect his partner to have their back and protect them as much as we both would when they are in her care. A step parent shouldn't be a threat, they should be a bonus role model and extra love and support for the children. You shouldn't be pushed out by this mother just because she doesn't want you to be involved. Take it back to court if you feel like your step son isn't safe, she is either being ignorant to what's going on or she's scared of her father too. He came to you because he trusts you, that's your cue to step up and do anything he needs, you clearly have a good bond with him

Answer

Y’all take his mother back to court! He doesn’t like the grandfather for a reason, it sounds like there is some sort of abuse that his mother is blowing off. If you can document everything and gather all the proof. He doesn’t feel comfortable for a reason and shame on his mother.

Answer

In my honest opinion as a former social worker,  I dont think theres anything severe enough reported for the courts to actually modify the agreement. A vague "I dont like grandpa" or "mom doesnt like step mom" isnt enough for the courts to intervene. He needs to actually say whats going on. If hes not ready to tell you, tell him he can write it or text it, or maybe sign him up for counseling. That way if hes being abusive or what not, theres an actual report from the child and the courts have grounds to either force him out of mom's house or award you full custody.

Answer

Take her back to court. She will be blind to grandpas behavior. You both need to stand up for the child’s wishes. Him asking to hang out after school is not unreasonable

How do I stand up for my step son without overstepping as a step parent?

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