i feel like a horrible person

I feel awful because I developed strong feelings for my coworker. i’m in a relationship that’s only one month so far, which makes me feel really immature for already developing feelings for someone else. my boyfriend is autistic and can’t pick up on other people’s cues or emotions without them being bluntly stated and i’m an emotional person who has a bad habit of isolating myself when i’m upset. I recognize that that was on me to know what i needed before committing to him, but at the time I didn’t realize how bad he was with emotions. I didn’t even know he was autistic until a couple days after we started dating. I genuinely care for my boyfriend so much and I was the one who pursued him, asked him out, planned dates, etc (which makes me feel even worse since now i’ve started to become interested in someone else). this past week my brother almost died from a disease and I was extremely upset. my boyfriend didn’t notice which I was never mad at him for, but I did feel lonely since I have problems reaching out to people for help when i’m upset. but at work my coworker noticed me being slightly off and asked me if I was okay and if something was wrong. I kinda brushed him off not wanting to explain everything since so far we had only fucked around with each other making jokes at each others expense in good fun. but throughout the day as I got more stressed and I was close to crying he kept checking in on me making sure I was okay, asking how I was feeling, and asking if I needed anything. it made me feel so cared for. now I find myself looking at my phone hoping my coworker will text me again or fantasizing about being with my coworker instead and I feel so much guilt and shame for it. I talked with my boyfriend about how I was upset today and why and he apologized and said he was inattentive, which again i was never mad at him for and I understand how his autism makes it difficult for him. we all work together in the same place and i’ve never hid the fact that me and my coworker are friends and text each other occasionally from my boyfriend, but now that i’ve noticed being attracted to my coworker more than my boyfriend I feel like i cheated on him and I feel dirty and shameful. I don’t really know what I expect from posting this, I don’t have anyone to really talk to and i’ve just begun thinking about this yesterday so I haven’t decided if this is serious enough to talk to my boyfriend about. I just feel awful. at work my boyfriend tends to ignore me which he admitted to, he’ll purposely walk away from me and keep conversations short with me, it makes me feel lonely because I want to be able to talk and joke around with him at work. but my coworker is so relaxed around me at work I find myself looking forward to working with him more than my boyfriend. idk this is a rant I guess. I feel disgusted and angry at myself.