Just venting

I recently got told that I need a C-section and I have mixed feelings. I understand that at this point for my babies and my best survival I need one but it still hurts to find out this way(like there was another way 😮‍💨). My daughter is 4.13 lbs witch is small for 35w my son is perfect. They are di di twins but my daughter had a marginal cord witch is more than likely the main reason for her small size. I just don't like being told hey yeah your gonna need an early C-section or your baby could die. That makes a first time mom feel amazing. On top of all that. I'm the main bread winner we where kinda banking on have the next months rent saved by the 9th but that's not good to happen now or not to the extent of what we wanted. I haven't worked enough at my new job to qualify for maternal disability and my sate doesn't require jobs to pay for a parental leave like Washington or Massachusetts. They are just required to give it and it's only 8 weeks.

I feel like a failure because I can barely provide and I won't be there for my children. I am grateful for my husband to sacrifice his time for my career but I can see that he wishes he was the one providing during this time for me and the children. I honestly feel overwhelmed and I'm struggling with how we're going to eat and pay for his car note so we can go to work (I don't drive and he drives for work) and keep a roof over our head. I'm at a point all I want to do is sleep or just stay in bed on my phone.

I just wanted to vent thanks for those that read though this