How do I let him go?

I have “daddy issues” I guess? I don’t really even think my feelings about my dad because I’ve just come to terms that he wasn’t and will never be the parent I need so I avoid it now. He was (and still is) an angry person and emotionally/verbally abusive. Not only that but my my dad’s side of my family and my mom allowed/enabled his behavior, so they always tried to normalize it to me. I kind of feel like because I always just push it down, it comes up in my love life instead. I’ve picked partners who were very similar to him, which is ironic because I hate him and have closed off the opportunity of a relationship with him. I had two kids with a person who abused me and them and then ghosted once they lost ability to abuse us. I’m now involved with someone who I feel like is also abusive and controlling, just not physically. We’re not even in a real relationship but he looks at my phone to see who I’m texting, has yelled at me about innocent convos, is jealous of female friends, makes up stories about my friends to get me to drop them, has told me he wants to be with someone who’s “smarter” and does what he wants, it’s just really bad. Everyone tells me that I need to grow self respect and that I could do so much better. But idk how to let him go? I’ve tried to leave and he always wiggles back in.