I’m being vulnerable here

First time posting in Glow. I’m 42 years old and I have been in a relationship for 4 years. My partner (49) and I decided nearly two years ago that we wanted to have a child together (it would be his second). After one month of trying I got pregnant for the first time. It was a miracle. We couldn’t believe how fortunate we were. 6.5 weeks later we did an ultrasound and discovered that the heartbeat was slow. We go back the next week and there was no heartbeat. It was heartbreaking. I’ve never experienced grief like this.

We tried naturally for almost a year and I couldn’t get pregnant. I found the process stressful and so did my partner. Given I froze my eggs 3 years prior I thought the next best option was to do IvF. It took my partner some time to decide to move forward with this plan but finally he did. We just did the embryo transfer and at 6 weeks discovered I had a blighted ovum. Strangely, I handled this loss better than the first time but my partner didn’t. He struggles to deal with past trauma as he had a similar situation happened with his ex wife. I booked more tests with the fertility clinic and mentioned it to him and he started venting about the trauma and how hard it was, and that he’s changing his mind about doing another round. He also said we are getting old and that it is exhausting and costly.

I’m in complete shock and cried all day. The thought of never having a child is unfathomable - I felt like something or someone died. It was as though I was grieving the life that never lived.

He’s agreed to speak to a therapist. I’m praying he will come around to it. I just don’t know how I can move on without trying again. The last thing I want is to be resentful because I know that he loves me. But it’s hard. Any advice you ladies can give would be most welcome. Sending you light and love.