I’m about to walk out the door

7mo is going down for her nap right. I’m like hey I’d really love to take a nap can I take a nap? He says yea of course you can, you can nap anytime. So obviously that means he’s supposed to be watching A (autistic 4.5yo) Ten minutes go by, a is downstairs unsupervised for 30 mins making a huge mess (i just cleaned the entire downstairs) I’m on the couch trying to nap assuming husband is gonna come grab him. So i wait. He starts making so much noise baby is starting to stir so I walk upstairs to see if he had to start working or something.. he’s asleep. I’m like what the hell, a is downstairs making a huge mess and being loud. He’s like a c’mon get upstairs. Baby finishes her nap. I still haven’t napped. I walk upstairs, husband is on the phone. I open the door, the room smells like poop. There’s poop all over the carpet and my side of the bed from A. Husband is in the same room and there’s no way he didn’t smell the poop. It’s horrific. I’m livid. I cannot even close my eyes for 30 fucking minutes without something going wrong. Then he says IM accosting HIM for “every little thing he does wrong”.. being a responsible parent is the MINIMUM. if you don’t want to be accosted, then be a present parent. This kind of stuff happens enough that I have nothing but angry words to say. I just want to be able to relax. Close my eyes. Know my kids are safe.

My husband is the only one who works. He does many wonderful things. He loves his kids. He loves me. He is just so.. careless? It’s weaponized incompetence at best. He’s not malicious. He gets our son ready for school and let’s me sleep in a bit most mornings until baby wakes up. He helps load them into the car when I take son to therapy (I have chronic pain so the car loading is really helpful), he will watch them if I have an app or need a few mins alone. It’s just so frustrating sometimes.

Edit: I am not with my husband just because I have chronic pain lol. I promise guys it’s not like that. We have a really good relationship, but he falls flat sometimes. I’m really just venting. I promise this isn’t an abusive relationship or anything like that. If i was financially stable on my own or whatever we would still stay together. We have a shared account, finances are not an issue at all. I have my own car, access to all funds, etc. We are in general very happy. Sometimes he just frustrates the shit out of me. I love my husband and I know he loves me and our family. I am not considering divorce. This is our only issue and it’s a new one as we adjust to 2 kids instead of one.

UPDATE: we talked and I told him there’s absolutely no reason I’m having to act like a single parent when he’s more than capable of keeping them alive and safe and he didn’t realize he was the one causing me so much anxiety and he apologized and was able to relay back to me what the problem was and how he was planning to resolve it.