Y’all I f’d up

So a while back I started messing around with a man. And stupid me.. I was married at the time. My husband was an awful man. And I do mean awful. He was (and still is) an alcoholic. Abusive. And just a jerk to anyone who worked I in retail or food. But that’s not my justification. My ex husband and I are now divorced. (Praise the Lord. I’ve never felt this free) but anyways. So back to what I was saying. I started messing with this man. And he was amazing. Not just at sexy things. But as a person. He was a friend from work before he was anything more. We lost contact for almost 5 years. But recently started talking again after finding each other again. And it feels like no time was lost. He is still amazing. He is still funny. And I can’t believe I still get butterflies when I talk to him. See his name in my phone. Pictures. We talk daily. He is absolutely amazing. But same as before. He doesn’t want anymore kids (neither do I but I have a 4 year old and that baby is my life). I just wish things could work out or that my heart could drop the feelings. Y’all ever have something so cosmic? A relationship that just rocks you to your core. 🥲