Irrational Fear of Men

Hello everyone!

I was raised in an extremely tight knit family. We did absolutely anything and everything together which I appreciate so very much! I am now 20 as still very close with my family, as I am continuing to live at home (housing is extremely expensive, and to be honest, I don’t want to leave my family and let that chapter be over). I have always been introverted, but extroverted when need be. I have one very good best friend that I’ve had for about 13 years. She has definitely been my extroverted side to my life and has helped me become more involved “in the outside world” ha ha! I grew up at a school with the same students for nine years, then was introduced to high school with a huge big city amount of people. I made friends there, but they weren’t friends I have to this day, and I never felt like I truly connected. I tried to involve myself in sports or out of school activities and struggled at times but found more extroversion. Now that I’ve been in college for three years, I have also built on this as my job requires me to be very professional (I work on the ambulance, and started at 18). Because of this job, I have experienced many things in life that I feel no one should ever have to experience. I feel as if I understand the fragility of life. I’m still learning, and I still have my struggles with being adulthood. I understand that I’m not exactly a full fledged adult, but with my job and upbringing to be successful early on, I feel as if I am one anyways, and could possibly be missing out on my adventurous years of life. That leads me to where I am today, unable to be that complete extrovert and specifically struggle to be able to make personal life decisions (relationships). I am deathly afraid of talking to guys. I want to have a relationship but am torn because of how sheltered I was growing up. My older sisters have both found relationships, but I feel that I’m struggling with mine. I have not had any romantic interest from guys ever. This leads to some self confidence issues, paired with upbringing that I’m afraid to even create advancements in a possible relationship. I have a guy friend from work, and it’s easy to talk or do things with him, but any guy I may even like, I become stiff, scared, and unintentionally make any of my actions seem as if I don’t want anything more than either an acquaintance or friendship. I am unable to look at potential romantic interests in the eyes for more than a couple seconds as I start panicking and shutting down. I have a difficult time imagining any intimacy, even just touch. My parents have even tried to encourage me to get on dating sites or go out and do things. I believe that what it is, is that I am living in this childhood life which I believe myself to be, but with the outer appeal of a full fledged adults life. I am writing this now as I feel that I let one get away, just because I was too scared imagine something other than what was there. Does anyone have any advice on how to overcome this fear, or how to throw myself into a more successful personal life? I am open ears.

Thank you everyone.