Feeling useless a lot #31 weeks

I just need to vent…

Background:

Our family is in the process of a cross country move. I have a 1year old and two year old. Baby #3 will be here by Thanksgiving. I’m a SAHM.

We are listing our home to move. Looking for new homes in the new area. My husband has a job but waiting on background to come in so they can tell him a hire date.

The scenario:

I am going crazy! I want to nest but I can’t til we’re in a new home. I feel useless and worthless because I gave the pregnancy handicap. Can’t paint, cairn move things, feel tired, feel sore, can’t push a lawn mower, can’t put things in storage, can’t pick up my 2 year old and i struggle picking up my 1 year old…

I feel like I’m in prison. I watch my hubby get to play video games while I’m crying overwhelmed about all the things I can’t do to get our home ready to sell. I used to enjoy playing video games but all I can think about is walls need painted or things need moved into storage that I can’t move. I’m so frustrated.

My husband does a lot of work around the house when he is off of work but I know things would go quicker if I could help. All I do is take care of the other kids, clean, make food, and cry. I’m slacking even on all my normal chores because I just don’t feel the greatest. Baby kicks all the time which I’m grateful for but it is annoying! I bend over to do laundry and freak out cuz he kicks so hard. Super uncomfortable for me to do normal things.

I feel like I’m depressed. I’ve been like this for weeks. I’ll do something that lifts my spirits then I’m back into the I don’t wanna get out of bed my life is useless mindset again. My hair was super long so I cut it one day, went thrift shopping, and got a special drink. I felt great about myself! Then felt sad because my hubby didn’t give me the approval I wanted. I am a big time words of affirmation person. We went on a date just me and my hubby. Amazing time. Then I started crying because i was away from my kids and felt the mom guilt intensely. I just can’t allow myself to be happy and this is not normal for me. I’m just not satisfied with anything and I feel really stuck right now. I feel sorry for my husband having to deal with me when he already has so much on his plate. I’m a Christian and I pray and read the Bible every day. I cry to Jesus all the time. I know he hears me but I feel like I’m in a season of depression . I can’t get out of this dark pit and it’s weird because I am always way too positive and happy. I guess it’s my hormones 🤷‍♀️

If anyone can relate or has advice, please comment!