Cheat while married

I’ve been with my husband since July of 2014 married 2018 and have 2 boys. In July 2021 he had an emotional affair. I stayed. I stayed because of my kids. I stayed to save myself from the embarrassment. I stayed because I don’t have a dollar to my name (sahm) I stayed because I didn’t want to be the reason my mother would have stroke or health complication. I stayed. I remember having my bag already packed but I thought of everyone except myself and came back inside my house with my suitcase. I stayed. I have dealt with so much with my husband family. My MIL is a narcissist. And she made her best friend stalk and harass me. My husband cheated on me. With one but I know deep in my heart with so many more. I feel like after 2 years I want to cheat. Get someone attention like gave someone attention. I want to explore out there. I keep on dreaming about how it would be to be single and date. I want to feel loved emotionally and physically. It’s wrong. But I know someone out there who’s in my shoes now feels the same way as me right now. Im not going to do it, because I know it’s super wrong. But I think about very heavily. Please no hateful comments.