So it has been almost a year now since my ex broke up with me. Tbh our relationship was really struggling and an end was in sight. We were stressed and young (still are young) and didn't know how to make being in a relationship work. So much of my anxiety took over the relationship and so much of their insecurity took it over too. Honestly we are both at fault for what happened. We both hurt each other and both acted in ways that weren't fair or appropriate.

After breaking up we decided to stay friends because we both care for each other and value each other. We realized our issues weren't for lack of love but for lack of maturity and we had no hard feelings. We still are friends (I know not everyone supports staying friends with ex's but I would rather keep this person in my life then let go of a truly valuable person and relationship).

I'm finding it really hard to move on. I, for a while, was very numb to what happened and pushed my emotions to the side but now they are catching up to me. I realize that I am not over them and I am very much in love with them. I believe I will always love them no matter what. I think it has to do with them being my first love and one of the first people I have ever known to care for every part of me. I know they don't want a relationship (they have said so) and I want to respect them for that. I don't think it is fair to push anyone to be with anyone and it definitely isn't fair to myself to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't really want one.

Honestly I think this whole post is to give myself an outlet since I have no idea who to share it with. It is hard because I still very much love them and wish things could be different. I am working on moving on because I want to respect their wishes and respect myself. It is just hard. It is hard navigating the new friendship while mourning the loss of the relationship. I wish it didn't hurt so much.