idk i just needed to get this off my chest

tw: sh mention

for context, im turning 15 this month, my now ex boyfriend is currently 14 as well, i started school late so im in middle school while he is a freshman in high school. when we got together he was super sweet and all that, he respected all of my boundaries and treated me as if his world revolves around me. he would make huge effort to communicate me and it was great. at about the 3 month mark he met my now ex best friend, who apparently had feelings for him but we find that out later. said friend lived across the road from me so sometimes me, my boyfriend, her, and her boyfriend would all hang out and go out and do crap together. my friend and my boyfriend were to touchy but thats just how they are with all of their friends so i didn’t question it much. it got to a point that it made me uncomfortable when they started acting almost like a couple so i tried to set a boundary only for the friend to say i was being selfish and insecure. my boyfriend respected it and did his best to keep her off of him. a few months after though, it went right back to the way it was before. around the 6 month mark i had told him that i had relapsed back into sh and that i needed support because i was just mentally not well. instead of comforting me like he usually would, he pulled out a bl&de and did it to himself on a video call with me and then showed it to me, said that if i ever did it again he would take it further and then hung up. I never vented to him or even acted upset around him again. over the summer my friend would invite him to private hangouts and they would go out places together and i would never even get an invite. he would become distant for a week at a time, and then we would hang out at his house over a weekend, and then he wouldn’t talk to me for about another week. at about 10 months me and him along with some other friends went to my friends birthday party. it was a lot of fun, everything went great until we got back to her house. when we got into her room he just completely ignored me. it bothered me quite a bit. after a little bit he asked if i wanted to cuddle and i was like sure why not. i find it hard to get comfortable sometimes so i was moving around a lot, he got annoyed with that and he pushed me off of him and yelled “stop F*CKING moving.” i went and sat in the corner for the rest of it until my mom called me that it was time to walk home. my friend told my boyfriend to walk me out so i didn’t get kidnapped since it was dark out. he said sure. he stopped me as i was about to go down the starts and he opened up his arms for a hug. i accepted. he said while i was still in the hug that we needed to take a break, for his mental health. that lasted for about a week and i did not handle it well. he came back after the week and was super clingy and emotionally there, just like the beginning but it wore off in the month after. we didn’t speak for basicly an entire month, not even much on our 1 year. he texted me happy anniversary and then i said it back and we didn’t talk for the rest of the day. about a month ago my friend broke up with her boyfriend, it was a very twisted and screwed up situation, and he was left in the dirt so i did my best to help him recover. so me and him were talking more but as nothing more than a friend. he ain’t even my type. my boyfriend knew and said himself that he was happy i was helping him because he was really worried about him but he didn’t know how to help. a few days after that my friend dropped me because aparently i was “toxic.” im still not sure what i did though. a week after they broke up, my boyfriend left me. he told me he needed this year to himself, to get things straight with his grades and his musical abilities, and that we could restart from the beginning once i go to highschool. he told me not to be upset about it but i very clearly was. 3 days later i found out that him and my ex best friend were together. i texted him p1ssed off as i had the right to be, and i asked him to explain. he never did. he just kept changing the topic. i asked him if he ever actually loves me and he said he did, so i responded with “you don’t just leave someone you love. if you loved me you would have fought to keep me, and you definitely wouldn’t have left me for my ex best friend who treated me like sh1t for the entire friendship. you didn’t love me and you don’t love me now. you don’t want to restart. you broke your promises and lied.” he responded with “you need to move on and find someone better. we aren’t going to happen again” i said “no shit. but it’s not that easy i really wish i could just simple not care. i wish it was that simple.” he said “well it’s that simple for me.” i closed the conversation at that point. idk im just really angry about this and confused. everything went downhill so fast.