Are shared values necessary to be happy

How important are shared values as long as boundaries are respected? My counselor said its important because you have to trust they arent sliding and lying because they are just listening to what you want. Example... one thinks getting lap dances at strip club is cheating. The other said its not cheating but it doesnt matter because they have no interest anyway. One thinks porn is cheating, the other doesnt think its cheating but doesnt do it because they are respecting that boundary. Should people just be with people that share the same values especially when one is not feeling secure bc of other relationship issues that both are at fault for. We are in our 40s if that matters