He brought up someone else while having sex…

I asked my husband to have sex with me tonight because it’s been a while. Instead of sex he wanted to give me oral. I told him I didn’t want oral I wanted sex, but also told him if he didn’t want to it was fine. He didn’t have to have sex with me. He then tried giving oral again, to which I just allowed at this point. But was embarrassed because he was acting as if it was a job to him. 😭 He finally gets up to have sex with me but makes me do it on the side. No biggie…. Except he can’t get hard. 😞 It took a while before he finally got hard and got I in. I didn’t pressure him or say anything. He gave me oral again before getting on top of me to finish. This is where he brings it up- he said “talk dirty to me” I don’t like it, but I tried…. Then he goes “yeah, I bet when you saw Jessica getting ran through by those two guys you wished it was you.” I said “what?” He quickly goes “nothing.” I said “no what did you say? I didn’t hear you.” He goes “nothing. I didn’t say anything….” I said okay… then laid there while he got off because at this point he’s soft again and in the bathroom. He comes out and asked what’s wrong. I said I don’t know a Jessica? And I certainly never seen a Jessica being fucked…. He then said “the neighbor duh? I said “I don’t give a fuck about that bitch! I’ve never seen her doing that. That’s gross.” He gets upset and starts going off on me about how he didn’t mean to upset me and that I was over reacting. I didn’t say anything…. I was quiet. Then he kept talking about how ungrateful I am, and how I never take what he does to heart…. This man does NOT call me pretty/beautiful. He says he shows me by kissing me, but never says it. 😣 I started crying. I was crying because I didn’t feel like he was attracted to me anymore. He got upset and went on a rampage. He broke a jar of mine and threw some stuff at the wall. Then he left…

What the absolute fuck…. At this point I don’t know how to feel.