I’m scared….

Hi everyone. My husband and I tried for years to get pregnant. 2 miscarriages a few years back and then we gave up. We opened our marriage as we just weren’t sexually compatible anymore. We are now in a kinda polygamous relationship. I have a boyfriend that lives with us and we all get along great. My husband had a girlfriend, but they didn’t last. Think what you’d like.

My boyfriend and husband and I have had unprotected sex for like 4 years now. Never even had a pregnancy scare. I was so sure that until I lost weight that I wouldn’t be able to get pregnant if at all. I have PCOS and was on the pill to try to force my body into having periods because I was going months to even a year without one. I recently stopped taking the pill because I lost my insurance. I got a good new job that I’ve been at for almost a year and my husband and I bought ourselves new cars. I have medical debt because I guess the one insurance I was on for a bit was shit and didn’t pay for anything. We had just kinda excepted we weren’t gonna have kids.

I took a test this morning, so certain it was going to be negative because they always have been. To my shock, it was positive. Now I’m absolutely terrified, excited, happy, and confused all in one. My bf and husband both said they didn’t want kids, so I just tried to move pasted never having them. Now I’m scared as kids are expensive, a huge commitment, I have no insurance, in debt with my new car and bills, my whole life is about the flip upside down. But I’m so terrified to miscarry. I want this baby. I’m trying to not get excited.

Not sure what I’m posting asking for, but I just need someone to talk about it. I panic every time I go to the bathroom, afraid I’ll see blood and start to lose my baby.