We're having a school holiday of 2 weeks.

I had the whole first week off to take care of our child as my partner would be working.

I have a lot of work and I can't take 2 weeks off in my current task pack, the job is new so my task pack will level out eventually but currently, I can't take too much time off. So I was working 2 days this week, Tuesday and Wednesday.

This week my stepkids are also here.

We celebrated NYE with them and had family visits over the weekend and NYD.

Tomorrow we're leaving on a weekend trip with my partner's mom.

Today I had planned to go to the city center with my girlfriend. I ASKED my partner for PERMISSION before planning, a month ago. - which I shouldn't, but still did.

He obviously gave his permission because we ended up planning the trip.

Yesterday he starts yelling at me that he's taken on the 4 kids for 2 days, because I've been working and he thinks it's selfish of me to go to the city with my friend and leave him with 4 kids yet another day because he wanted to do an activity with the kids and aparantly he can't do that while I'm not present and tomorrow we're leaving for the trip with his mom so basically it's my fault he couldn't do anything with the kids. (He said THE kids, so I'm assuming all 4 of them? He didn't specify and hadn't mentioned before that he wanted to do activities with them, other than going to the movies with all of them which he wanted to pay for with our joint account and I disagreed because we don't have money for a movies trip. If we, as a family of 6, go to the movies there's no chance we keep the cost under 200€ because my partner can't just "go to the movies " he needs the full package: dinner, movies, snacks and drinks so I had already told him a very solid no to that idea.)

I feel like I need to add these facts to paint the full picture :

- When I met him I was 21, he was 36, his kids were 2,5 yo, 5,5 yo and 8,5 yo. He'd often leave the kids with me while he'd go out with friends and colleagues. I love the kids and this left us with great bonding time, but now that I'm 30 I feel like that shouldn't have been all my responsibility.

- in the 9 years we've been together he made me push away all my friends - male friends because they were male, girlfriends because they were immature in his eyes, or something was wrong with them or according to him they were a bad influence or talking shit about me,.. -

- in the 9 years we've been together today would be the 3rd time to do something alone with another girlfriend. Other times he was there or were playdates with kids.

- he goes to his friends maybe every other week but he feels that doesn't count because he goes nights and that doesn't affect time with the kids.

So am I being selfish for going out with my friend today?