Venting

I am 21 weeks. Yesterday at my dr appt, my hubby of 5 years was trying to show me something on his phone and it flipped open to multiple pages of porn hub. He was trying to get out of it but I already saw it. His reaction was to tell me “that wasn’t recent, I don’t know how it was still on there”. Like I am dumb.

This has happened in the past and I’ve voiced how it makes me feel about myself, him and us. He swore he understood and it would never happen again.

I’d love to just give him the benefit of the doubt as I had gallbladder surgery a month ago. BUT I have tried to initiate sex multiple times and he didn’t seem interested. He works overnights, so I just figured he was tired.

This man is not someone I thought or think would ever cheat. But I’m so lost in my head and hormones, I just don’t know. This is the only issue we have ever had, he worships the ground I walk on.

I don’t really see this as cheating but definitely not respecting me. The rest of the day I was so angry and hurt that I couldn’t even look at him. Today, I’m wondering if I am over reacting and just need to show him more love and give the benefit of the doubt? But I tried that and he wasn’t interested.

I am just so hurt. I don’t know what feelings and thoughts are logical.

I’d love at this moment to pack up all my stuff and just leave, but that’s not logical. Not over this.

If you made it this far, thank you. I don’t really think I’m looking for anything. Prayers and thoughts are appreciated.