WHY WAS IT SO HARD

I’m still really salty so let me just vent. About a YEAR ago I started having severe stomach pain, like a burning sensation and it kept happening. For… a year. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t breathe I couldn’t sleep. I had to fight to get health insurance, I kept getting denied.

At this point I’m in pain everyday of my life, feeling like my insides are being ripped to shreds. I cannot eat, my depression is spiraling because of the pain.

I call them over and over again “i need health insurance I FEEL LIKE I AM BEING RIPPED APART.” Finally I am approved. That didn’t mean shit though..

Doctors upon doctors. I’m finding out shit about myself in the process that’s IMPORTANT but at the same time, nobody can tell me why I feel like I am being ripped apart. Test after freaking test.

“Something is wrong with your liver. It makes sense because it’s in the area that hurts you the most..”

“I understand that can be painful, but I do not think that is the source of my pain.”

“Well everyone’s pain tolerance is different.”

Nobody would listen, nobody would look deeper into it.

I think about 5? I went through 5 doctors begging them to figure out what the actual fucking shit was causing me to feel like I am being burned and ripped apart on the inside.

One night after a week of non stop pain, because need I remind you this issue got more severe and more painful and the pain lasted longer. I just went into the ER, probably for about the 10th time.

And I’m like

“Yo I don’t know what the fuck is causing my pain, but I am in severe pain. Here are my ultrasound results and all my blood test results. I cannot do this anymore. Thanks.”

I haven’t showered in days, my hair? Matted to my head. I probably STUNK. Like there’s people going in lying about pain and then there was me, this stinky weird little moaning blob. Bc after I gave her my test results from alllll of the tests I had been given I shriveled back up and just went back to rolling around in pain. She immediately gave me fentanyl which I thought “oh that will help.”

Uh no. It didn’t. At all. I’m still there in the ER bed like “fuck nelly fucking shit I hate my fucking liffeeee.” On FENTANYL.

She’s just staring at me for a moment and she’s like “I’m sending you for CT.”

You know what she finds? A giant hole in my intestines, a huge nasty mother fucking ulcer that probably wouldn’t even BE that BAD if someone had just LISTENED TO ME. It’s in my duodenum, I had my gallbladder and liver fully looked at bc of this pain. But nobody thought to look at the freaking gigantic fucking hole behind all of it, bc something was wrong with my liver and it was in the same area, “it’s your liver.” yeah

BULLSHIT PATRICIA

I get lidocaine with mylanta, and I pass out so hard in that ER bed because I literally had not. slept for a week. I literally live on lidocaine and mylanta.

It took so long to find a GI doctor that took my insurance that I don’t even have an appointment until march 20th.

This is where it gets cute.

I’m okay now not dying from stomach pain anymore, but I want to seek mental health help.

March 23rd is my first REAL appointment with my psychiatrist, with the full mental evaluation and all.

March 20th I will get someone to look at the giant hole in my insides, 3 days later someone will take a look at my mental ❤️🫠

It did not even take half the time that it took for me to get a diagnosis for the actual hole in my fucking guts that was causing me severe pain every single day of my life. It did not take a plethora of doctors, and me actually being fucking nasty as hell physically for someone to listen to me about my mental health.

Idk what to think of this but I’m mad about it.

And they all think the giant hole in my gut was caused by the horrible anxiety I have. So, if you don’t calm the fuck down someday could be like me ❤️😩