Is not having sex that often (twice a month) a dealbreaker?

Question

Bit of backstory, I am a 25 year old mom of 3 young girls (4, 2 and 3 months) and my partner, of almost 8 years, has said he’s unhappy and is thinking about leaving me. When I ask him why, this is the only issue he brings up.

Would not having sex all that often (twice a month) be a reason for you to leave a relationship?

Answer

I personally think he is being unreasonable.. it’s not crazy to have less sex when you have 3 small children. If he feels his needs aren’t being met, it should be a discussion - not a threat to leave. I don’t think this is grounds for a divorce.. it is something that can change and be worked on & he should be more understanding towards how you are feeling as well.

Answer

My husband and I have sex at least 2-3 times a week, so I can understand his feelings in wanting more. I can also understand why you would not want a lot, especially given you have a 3 month old! We definitely didn’t do it as often when I was newly postpartum with my daughter (who is 16 months now). I would really sit down and talk through it, especially if it’s just this season of life. Maybe you can find a compromise? Like aiming for once a week? I hope you can make it work! 😊

Answer

I mean sex is more important to some than the others. Twice a month would be fine with me but not my husband. I make sure we do weekly and initiate a good amount so he doesn’t feel like hes pressuring me or anything and I want him to feel like I am interested.
People have dif things that are important to them in their marriage. Sex is probably near the top for him, as it is a lot of others. I’d just make a point to have sex weekly at least, he’s obviously feeling it’s very important to him

Answer

I could not imagine leaving your spouse and children because you’re not having sex as often as you would like. That’s insane. There are so many alternatives and ways to work on this. 
It’s crazy to me how little value people place on family that they put their sex drive first.

Answer

I feel like there's something much more than sex if he's willing to leave his spouse and kids over it. Sex twice a month isn't bad considering you have 3 little kids and that leaves very little time and energy at the end of the day. I think he's more to it that he isn't telling you

Answer

Depends on the person. Obviously the honeymoon phase is long over after 8 years. Relationships are what you make them. Date nights. Massage. Compliments. Appreciation. Goes both ways. If sex was something important to them then I get it. I mean he can supplement with masturbation or clearly he’s not busy enough. It’s one thing when you are single and all over each other. Kids come and time is less. But if you put the kids, not yourself and some self care your mental health suffers. If you don’t make the relationship a priority it suffers. And are strangers living like roommates. There’s gotta be a balance. Him helping with supper at home and the house and kids. So you can have some time for self care. Or to cater to him. Or outside help. Contact churches that have schools attached the older kids have to do community service hours so now you have hands to help you while at home or not home. There’s gotta be a balance. If he wants to go be single, then the door is open. Never beg anyone to stay or love you. Respect goes out the window. Abuse, neglect, and control can kick in. I wish you luck with whatever you do.

Answer

Sex.is actually a big part in relationships . Communication,trust, loyalty are before ,but without intimatacy for some...it can lead them to cheat or leave. So it's best he leaves instwad of cheating. Maybe try to have sex more or foreplay?

Answer

Honestly I could not be in a sex-less marriage. Everyone is different but sexual compatibility is a must for me. I do understand you have such small children though, that can affect your sex life. Quick question: when you do have sex how is it? Is it just a get in-get out situation to get it over with or do you guys take your time to satisfy each other's needs? Quality intentional sex is so important, I can imagine it being hard having 3 small children but when you do get a chance I think you have to make it count.

Answer

If it was reasonable my husband would have left me a long time ago. I don't recover my sex drive after a baby for well over a year. We will usually have sex twice or at most three times a month during that period. Right now mine is coming back after my last and I'm hoping for a third time this month tonight if he gets off work at a decent time. But it's rare for me even at my high to want it more than maybe once a week. But he needs to respect you and try to understand where your coming from. My husband has recently stepped up his game with helping around the house and its improved my outlook ten fold

Answer

For me, yes. My husband and I have 3 children but we both know how important it is for each other to feel connected too. Before the kids we had a ton of sex. We were able to do it daily. Now, it’s about 2 times a week but we know even if we’re tired and overwhelmed it’s important for us. I don’t think I could be with someone who didn’t show me affection or attention in a sexual way.

Is not having sex that often (twice a month) a dealbreaker?

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