Two different styles of parenting
What to do about different styles of parenting? My husband and I see eye to eye to most parts of parenting but now that my daughter is 3.5 I’m noticing our parenting is splitting off in areas. He believes that shes old enough now to be much more firm with her. She's been having trouble when going poop like she's still in a pull up and we're working on potty training. So she'll go on her pull up and she'll say that she went potty so we have to clean her up while she wrestles with us because it's sore. So I'm of the mindset that i talk to her and coach her through it. Even if she fights me. He will hold her down and wipe. She will scream. It breaks my heart. Then tonight he was giving her a bath. He gave her these new finger paint soaps to play with. So of the gel got in the water and she started freaking out, and I don't know why. So I was in the bathroom with him, trying to coach her through it, telling her to stay calm that it was OK. He was telling her to stop and sit down. She kept trying to get out while he drained the water. he kept telling her "you're a big girl and you need to stop doing this." That she needed to listen to us because she was fine. When the water was finally drained out and we put new water in the tub, she calm down. He told me that I need to stop reassuring her that she's and old enough to be freaking out. I told him that she is just a little girl and that he needs to be nicer. He said that she needs to start listening.
It needs to be said that he is insanely loving and these are only two points in which we don't see eye to eye. I told him that I'm not going to agree with this so we're just going to have to agree to disagree. He says I’m too soft on her. She’s 3 though! I know that I’m triggered as well because I had an abusive childhood so even hearing her get in trouble when it’s warranted (ie normal child scolding) makes me cringe. I have a really hard time hearing her cry. Brings back memories of hearing my siblings get “punished” in the other room as a kid. That’s a whole other story though.
I should clarify the “crying” is when she’s fighting us or him. The desperation cries get me and I just can’t handle them. Not just a tantrum cry. The screaming that just sounds way worse then it is. Like he’s just trying to wipe her butt and if I’m not the other room her screaming legit sounds like he’s smacking her when he absolutely IS NOT doing anything of the sort.
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