I need some advice pls 😭 tw long passage

Hey guys…I’ll try and make this a short as possible ok.

So the other day I was doing an assignment and I ran into these boys I hadn’t seen since last year. And we were catching up since it had been so long, pure platonic vibes tbh. And then they introduced me to a new friend (let’s call him teddy) and he is drop dead gorgeous like guys omg. I wanted to freeze time just to be able to stare and observe him I’m not even joking. But I kept it casual (even though I was squealing inside) and all of us ended up chatting for hours before they left. The next day we hung out again but I brought my friend and we drove around and talked and it was honestly such good vibes but I could feel my crush on teddy just growinggg. And then yesterday I was going to the club but they wanted to link up again and I said ok cool we’ll come see you guys before we go. Before I continue I’ve been maybe getting subtle hints that teddy is interested like he asked for my Snapchat and he’s the one who called me to hang out the day after we met (granted the others were there too but still) but nothing obvious enough for me to be like ok Yh he likes me. So we meet up before the club and I’ll be honest I’m a big girl so my self esteem is very shaky. Teddy is an athlete and he’s in really good shape on top of being beautiful so I’m already thinking he’s wayyy out of my league. And he knows he is attractive aswell. He’s not an asshole about it but you can tell by the way he carries himself. But anyways I’m a bigger girl so I’m kinda already self conscious and before I was talking to him but yesterday I barely spoke to him out of just pure nervousness and also because my friend referred to him as "my man" when he was right behind us omg😭😭. And I’m the biggest girl my friend group so I had fun at the club but consciously I was just pulling at my top and wondering if I looked fat especially when we weren’t dancing and talking. I don’t know I just need some advice on how to talk to him without feeling so nervous because a part of me is like he’s way out of my league and its kinda true I do think I’m pretty I’m just fat and guys my age are very clear on what types of bodies they like. Also when I think about dating him it makes me anxious cause I feel like people would think ew why’s he with her you know. That’s why I feel like this crush should just disappear because I’m too insecure to ever be with him 😭😭. Because he’s sooooo god looking it should be illegal. But I don’t know what do you think. Towards the end of the night I just wanted to go home because I felt disgusting which is honestly really sad and I hate that I think like that. I also believe I can’t be in any relationship even if it was with an average guy because my confidence is so low due to my weight so there’s that aswell. But let me know what I can do I guess.

P.S when he called me the other day I didn’t answer because I was omg why is he calling me. And I spoke to my sister who said I was self sabotaging and I get why she says that. But it’s weird because I feel like I want him to reject me so I can move and get over this "crush". But a part of me does wonder what it’d be like to date someone like him. I just genuinely do not believe I could be loved by someone like him the way I look right now :( being fat sucks so bad you just feel like you deserve nothing sigh anyway

Thank you for reading if you made it this far I really appreciate you 🩷