Am I overreacting? Boundaries with Relatives’ Kids

Question

I’m posting because I’m hoping someone has been in a similar situation. I don’t even know if anyone’s gonna read this. 
My SIL has a 3yo. Ever since the 3yo was born she has, from what I have seen, gotten whatever she wants. My SIL will guilt you into giving the kid drinks from your cup, bites of your food, etc. This wasn’t that big of a deal, but now I have my own baby. 
During my baby shower the 3yo opened the gifts while the parents just watched. 
My kiddo is almost a year now and this weekend my niece (the 3yo) wanted everything he had. She took food put out in front of him, tried to take his toys out of his hands, and asked for his baby food. My SIL not only did nothing, but seemed to get mad at me/undermine me when I told my niece no (“she can have one bite”). 
I don’t want this to be the norm. I’m also anxious because my SIL and I have been really close and I don’t want to wreck our friendship, but the mama bear in me is starting to surface. What do I do? Am I overreacting?

Answer

I know it’s not your responsibility to do this for your niece but since this involves your child I would try teaching her that not everything is hers. 
Instead offer her own plate or drink, rather than demanding off yours or your child’s. And also say (in a very calm manner) listen (name) this is (name) food if you want some we can get your own plate but we don’t take food from other people. Same with toys. 
Also talk to your sil about it. What’s the worst she is gonna say? “Don’t parent my child worry about yours” she’ll get over it. When it comes to your child yes mama bear will come out no matter what the situation. You are doing her and her child a favor by practicing this. And should your child how to handle these situations as well.. 
and yes I have done this as well, like at the park..: omg.. kids can be so.. frustrating… there was this little girl that was just being a brat, not letting (literally blocking for like a few mins) my daughter go down the slide. I looked her straight in the eyes and simply told her “we can all take turns, the slide is not yours it’s for everyone.”
In the end.. we as parents need to teach the children how to be respectful to one another. I hope this helps. 🤷🏼‍♀️❤️ and I wish you luck.

Answer

You really aren’t that close if your not able to talk to her about things like this. But your going to have to. It’s not the kids fault, it’s hers. If she can’t respect what you have to say, then you’ll have to keep away from her.

Answer

Your sister in law is crossing way too many boundaries and has no respect for you or anyone . Her child is not allowed to do whatever she wants regardless if her parents allow it. The kid has no boundaries . Sure you can talk to to them about it but from personal experience that never goes over well when telling someone their kid needs boundaries . 
Stop hanging out with them at this point , if you can’t talk to them about their lack of boundaries and respect that’s the only way to get your point across .

Answer

My nephew is like this. He’s always bullying my son out of his stuff & he’s almost 3 years older. At my house, it’s my rules. I put all “special” toys away before he comes over, and there’s no grabbing out of each others hands. We take turns. As far as food goes we’re not sharing germs everyone gets the same thing on their own plates. My sister in law hasn’t had an issue with me telling my nephew my house rules, but I do it in a manner that’s respectful and kind, I’d never raise my voice to anyone else’s kid.

Answer

I had the same issue with my neice.. who sadly i don't see now.. i was 15 and didn't have a child but my SIL thought it was acceptable for her daughter to go in my room.. take my things and make up and ruin it while i was at school.. even when i got home.. my neice would be given her food but go after mine.. my mum tried to discipline.. which wasn't for her to do but one little child was ruining a family dynamic.. she became a bully which is also sad to say.. meanwhile my bro did nothing.. just to keep the peace.. i see my neice from time to time.. she isn't liked because she became narcissistic.. she's 18 now.. and her behaviour is about her.. if i had been grown.. i would of been more harsh.. but of course what can u do? They are responsible for creating a monster.. who can't make friends.. demands.. can't work because they can't work in a team so it's a set up for failure.

Answer

Oh no...sounds like she might grow up rather spoiled which.is a shame.for her really as it's not her fault. The behaviour is a bit over the top..Like my almost three year old and her toddler friends around that age might ask for a drink and food from their parents plates, but ive never been asked by someone else's toddler to drink my drink or the parents expect me to give food off my plate. When it comes to the kids themselves, they still.raid each other's snack.boxes so if I meet up with toddler friends, I would expect that other kids might eat her food, and she'd be offered others' in return.. we see it as "sharing" practice and it's fun.for them to try different snacks. However, for her baby friends, that wasn't at the same level as her, I would step in and say no, if she tried to take lots of.their food. Like one grape might okay to take but cant be stealing all the food as it's not.a fair swap. I'd ask if.there were any more grapes from the source maybe so she wouldn't need to steal off the plate. If I had a baby over at my house I'd offer them all the.same food that i thought they.could eat as my toddler, so the.kids wouldn't need to be too jealous, but i would also expect some "baby specific" food to be left off the menu.for my toddler, and she would accept this. I think you're acting reasonable and unfortunately, if your SIL continues without boundaries it will impact relations as people will.start to.not want to be around her child much, sad but true. I.did react to.why you think of this as only your sister in law's child--isn't she also the child of.your husband's brother (perhaps from a previous relationship)? If.so, he is.equally responsible for the behaviour.. But everone will raise.children as they like and you can't do anything other than what you're doing   already which.is.step in on behalf of your own baby sometimes.

Answer

Yeah fuck your SIL, you and your child are not obligated to enable her entitled mess.

Answer

Thats a setup for.an entitled selfish adult poor thing. Yeah you cant not say anything for everyone's sake involved! Again youre probably not as close as .you think anyways. Unfortunately. Good luck with this.one. my.mama bear was coming out AS this was being READ! Nevermind it happening right in front of me! Lol!

Am I overreacting? Boundaries with Relatives’ Kids

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