Is my family expecting too much of me or am I being selfish?

Lately every time we see my in laws, they're focused on being unhappy that the visit isn't long enough or that we're not visiting for long enough next time we see them. I honestly feel at this point that nothing I do is good enough, and I’m putting in as much effort as I can.

For context, I'm 30 weeks pregnant and have a 22 month old toddler. He's full of energy, it's the height of summer heat, I have no family or outside help so I'm doing this all by myself. My husband works long hours because it's the busy season at his work.

We see my in laws every week or at least 3x/month. They live 1.5 hours away, and when they visit us they stay for the whole day.

I don't know why things have changed for the worse, but in the last few months, when I've had the least energy to host them or drive to see them, they're expecting the most of me. This weekend for example we invited them for a bbq on Saturday, and last minute they wanted to stay overnight at our house and be here for the whole weekend, or change our plans to Sunday so my FIL could go to his summer house on Saturday. I dared to only let them stay for Saturday, and they decided to go to still their summer house 3.5 hours away after visiting us so that they don't have to stay in their home tomorrow. FIL complained during our bbq about how long the drive is that they have to do, MIL backed him up. I felt like saying I'm so sorry you had to come here to celebrate Father's Day and be waited on hand and foot. I invited them for their benefit and I felt like I was doing it all wrong.

Next weekend is my husband's grandmas bday dinner party (1.5/2 hours away bc traffic). We told them we can go but have to leave by 8pm so we can drive home and get our toddler to bed. I also don't want to be out late because I'm exhausted all the time and it's going to be a loud dinner and dancing party where I'll have to chase around my little one. They actually initially asked us what time would work for us for the party and we said early afternoon is best for little kids like ours, but they ended up doing a dinner thing which is fine by us, we just will leave when we have to. But as they were leaving our house this past weekend, my FIL didn't even say goodbye or thanks for the gift I got him (I got an engraved hunting knife with my son and husbands names bc my husband didn't get him anything) and my MIL said (for the 3rd time today) we should really consider changing our plans for next weekend to come to their city earlier before the party. To do what? To play on city playgrounds in 90 degree heat, or sit in their tiny apartment. Earlier in the day she said she was surprised we're not planning to come the day before and stay overnight (they never even asked/invited us, and neither me or my son sleep well there, it's a pull out couch in a small spare bedroom/office), and when she was leaving she asked again about us changing our plans and we said we're not going to reconsider bc we'd like to leave after the party and just go back to our house as we’ve planned to do the whole time, and she got really upset and said wow so you're just going to come to the party for an hour and leave? She said it's like we're just going to check a box of being there for an hour. And then she left in a huff. I feel like it’s a pretty big deal for me to drag my toddler and myself there to only be able to be at this party for 3 hours anyway and sacrifice our Saturday night for this (my husband hates the city and his only night off is Saturday) but my in laws are so upset that we’re not doing more. My husbands cousin is flying from across the country to attend the party and is staying from Friday-Sunday and she thinks he’s the best thing since sliced bread for doing that. She’s not asking him why he’s not staying for longer, only we get that treatment.

I don't understand why she's expecting so much of me when I have the least to give. Even at that, I host them and their parents (so husbands grandparents) and their siblings multiple times every month. We visited them during our vacation that we planned separately because they happened to be in a similar area.

On top of this, now they want my husband to use his very few vacation days to go on vacation with them, hours and hours away. He needs to save his time for paternity leave but they don't care. I'm not comfortable in the car for hours and neither is my son.

It's also other little things, like my MIL harassing me about potty training my son, sending us equipment like baby toilets and stuff when I told her multiple times I'm not doing it yet. She gave a gift to me from her mom and sister and told me very seriously to wear it to the party next week before I even tried it on. I feel so micromanaged and when my husband or I say anything to her about it, she denies it and argues and has to get a snarky last word in, so it’s not even worth talking to her about it anymore.

The weird thing is that it’s not just my in laws who are acting this way. I made plans for my husband for Father’s Day (hosted his family Saturday and spent the day just us Sunday) and I didn’t include my stepdad because my mom and I are not speaking anymore (it’s been about 6 months) because she did something unforgivable to my son and I (too long to explain here) but my stepdad hasn’t reached out once to see what’s going on, how my son is, how my pregnancy is going, etc. So naturally I didn’t plan anything with him. Instead I sent him a box of steaks and desserts from a local butcher who does gifts on Saturday, and texted Sunday Happy Father’s Day. He didn’t respond to the gift until I texted him Sunday and he just said he appreciated the sentiment of the gift but would rather spend the day with me and hopes it will still happen. Meaning he expected me to cancel my plans to spend the day with him and my mom. He was going to my sister’s house for a bbq and she invited me the day before, like a half assed invitation. No regard to the fact that I have a husband who is the father of my own kids, and FIL who my husband wanted to see.

I’m just tired 😔