Scary sui**intrusive thoughts...

Been dewling with this for a while its been getting stronger to the point i weep bc this isnt what i want to do. I tried therapy for a 2nd time i had a session today this guy wasnt it. He was more concerned about solving my.financisl problems by being a hair braider and speaking positive affirmation over myself. I have meds like wellbutrin but im afraid of the side effects... im texting w crisis line rn bc i mnow theyll help me find a therapist that takes medicaid